Hollywood, don't tell me what I can't do in the arts because I'll do it anyway. Don't tell me what roles I'm sorted for or what gender it has to be. I'll write my own film make it myself win awards and come back to you and say, "know that's the way you do it." -From the song Money for Nothing by Dire Straights/Sting.
Sometimes discerning where you need to be in life is difficult. If you do A then B or C are relative or irrelevant. You either win or loose. If you take a leap of faith you may fall on your arse or end up with the golden goose. Now that I've totally confused you, (which I sometimes do) I'm at that point. I have achieved a goal or milestone in 2016. I'm so grateful for it but now what? Sometimes after we get the one thing in life we've needed, we forgot to plan for what comes after our goal is achieved. Kinda like an athlete thinking that the play was whistled dead but it wasn't. There's more life to live. Or so we may think. You gotta keep on going. I've heard it said that "life's a journey not a destination." Run with the ball until the referee blows that proverbial whistle.
Sometimes I feel like a circus animal released into the wild after being caged and doing tricks for audiences for decades. Doing what I had to do to survive kissing arse to thrive. Following the status quo so that I wouldn't be laughed at or made fun of. Imagine feeling the grass on your feet (or paws if you were a circus animal) for the first time or tasting the rain pouring down on your backside, while running with the pack. That freedom to be yourself eluded me for many decades and now that I have this freedom I don't know what to do with it.
But it seems that there's always someone who wants to put you back in that cage. Put you back in the status quo circus that we call life. But heck no I aint going back. I can't. At least physically and I won't. To me I've always been me. To others' Iv'e been who they've wanted me to be. Somehow I'm I threat to their perception of their reality.
I was labeled Dyslexic, Dysgraphic, Hyper Active ADD & having a learning disability. But with my parent's help I made it all the way to graduating from College. The experts said it couldn't be done. I proved them wrong. The kid who defied the odds.
Have you ever seen one of those movies where the main character goes to bed and their life isn't the same as it was when they wake up? And when they do wake up they have a different spouse, house and family? That's the way I feel sometime. Well when my character woke up all hell broke loose. 2 failed marriages and alcoholism to boot. People where saying we don't like this person you've become get away. Bring back the circus act we grew up watching. You're not supposed to do this to us. You're supposed to perform the tricks that come with your manual. Well our manuals aren't the same and no more performances.
No more being the Jolly weirdo cashing her customers out at the grocery store. No more being the apologist for who I am, which you've come to know. I'm tired of being the puppet of your perception because my perception is the only one that matters.
I'm not less then and I deserve to be here. I'm not an abomination or freak of nature I will rise. I will be who I've always known I am. Me.
If you're reading this and you feel discouraged or down for whatever reason, please don't give up. I wrote I'm Your Mum - Torn Apart for all those people who either committed or where thinking about committing suicide. I've always been told that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things change day to day and unlike my character in I'm Your Mum, sometimes we don't get second chances to do the right thing. The message in my web-series is clear. You do matter! You do count! You mean something to someone (or in the case of a furry friend) something.
Personally, I'm an alcoholic. I've been drug and alcohol free for 21 years. I was bullied mercilessly in elementary and High School; however, with the help of a Valiant Mom to guide me, I rose above the BS. I do believe that life will get better if we choose to make it so. I believe in meditation and prayer to a higher power. I focus on what a great person I have become despite the obstacles I faced growing up.
Sometimes we give bullies too much credit. We sometimes think that their opinion about us will make us or break us. That's a crock of poopy. Imagine in your mind that they are the size of an ant or a roach and you're looking down on them. Then imagine they have a cartoonish goofy look about them. Then just smile and walk away laughing. I like to take my hand and make a brushing motion on one of my shoulders when someone make a rude comment at my job. I smile, look up to the heavens and say thank you God (Creator, Universe).
Remember, you're greater than the haters' small minds will ever be with your higher power behind you.
Times are changing for the better for me as I plan on moving to the North Eastern USA. I'm tired of living in the South and I want to go where nobody knows my name. Where I can meet a new set of friends, co-workers, actors, directors, writers, and filmmakers, while staying in tough with those who mean a lot to me here. Sometimes we need new soil to grow in or a bigger body of water to swim in. If there is something positive in your life that you've put off, don't wait another day. Go for it!
The holiday season is upon us and speaking for myself I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a roof over my head a few jobs that keep me a float and certain family members who care about me. I have a decent sense of right and wrong and I care about the welfare and well being of my fellow citizens. I hate to see human and non humans suffer. I pray for a day when there is no suffering and we all treat each other with dignity, respect, tolerance and yes acceptance.
The last few years have been rough for us all but the sun is rising and a new day will dawn when we will make peace with our enemies and bring back civility to public service. That's going to require faith, hope, action. Theodore Roosevelt said, "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far." We should also be willing to compromise. If not, we will have more of the same.
When Pat McCrory was elected governor he nixed the tax incentives for filmmakers, thus ending North Carolina's run as the number 2 spot in film-making in the USA. Our states' nickname was Wilmywood because Wilmington NC was the hub of all filmmakers.
However, thanks to the election of Roy Cooper things have changed. They're film incentives now that will bring people back to NC. According to the North Carolina Film Office, 31 Million in incentives are available now and that's nothing to sneeze at.
For those who didn't like the direction North Carolina was taking politically, it's a new day in North Carolina. In the 2018 elections the NC Democrats (who support filmmaker incentives) ended Republicans' Super-majority 2018. See election results in button below.
For all Georgia Filmmakers who are dishearten by the elections in that state or Florida, we welcome you back to NC. I encourage Indie filmmakers to take advantage of this, as well as my friends from across the pond. Please visit this website links below, to see the exciting new world of film-making in NC.
Welcome back to NC.