Acting, Jealousy, Living & Film

Sometimes in your acting career you have to reinvent yourself in order to get work. For me I've done painting and stand-up. I love and adore comedy but have a tendency for drama. I've always loved the old British TV shows and dramas on PBS, Acorn and Britbox. So I'll do both.

To me, comedy is more powerful than drama. You're not vulnerable in comedy. Comedy has always helped me deal with issues and conditions I grew up with. It was a way of keeping the bullies at bay and endearing myself to others. Making people laugh is a real gift. I've got it.

Comedy has kept me from suicide. There's real truth to the saying "laughing on the outside crying inside." That's me. On the other hand when you see my work in drama it's raw emotion coming out. That's why it's easy to cry on cue. So maybe I've found my outlet in drama as well.

Acting and comedy has been a gift given to me by my creator to get me through the tough times. I'm not a business woman or tycoon of the stock market but I can play one on TV. I'm not a filthy rich do-gooder but I can play one on TV. I have no desire to end my life prematurely, but I can play one who does. That's what Notts' Journey is about.

There's someone who hates me with such passion that beginning in 2015 he or she took it upon themselves to attack my then YouTube account and made rude comments about my acting. He or she referred to me as a man and that my acting and videos where crap. His YouTube name was "Johnny Sweeite." He had originally found me on the OK Cupid dating site and has been harassing me ever since.

Looking back on it now I should have left the comments up and ignored him or again her; however, I was afraid then. I didn't want people to know that I was an in-congruent female. So I blocked him or her and disallowed comments. But I could see his thumbs down on my videos. Just his or her way of letting me know he or she was there.

During the release of my web series I'm Your Mum last year, he or she reappeared with a different fake account and with the help of his or her step daughter. They both continued the harassment on all my social media accounts, making fun of the name. This time he or she referred to me as a congruent female, but they seemed to hate it when I bashed Donald Trump and conservatives on Twitter and Instagram.

My point is that I'm not alone. As actors and filmmakers, we all have our "Johnny Sweeite's" in this world. People or ex friends who don't have the guts to face us. That hide behind fake profiles, because they know that if they got caught by us, they'd be embarrassed and ashamed. Sadly, I'm pretty sure I know who this person or dare I say these people are. One of them used to be what I thought was a really good friend. Not anymore.

Here's to all the people in the acting world with integrity and strength, who do not allow petty jealousy to break up friendships and lead to discord. Here's to actors and filmmakers who celebrate our friends' successes and stand behind them when they fail. We're better than this. Be patient. Your star will shine when it's time.

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