My Mother's Window, & stuff

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A lot has happened since my last blog post. Joe Biden is the President Elect and I couldn't be prouder. I've supported him from the beginning at great risk to my acting career and I hope it pays off. I will make sure that he keeps his promises to members of my community and works for all Americans, which I know he will. 

I have no idea how Joe Biden feels about Pope Francis' condemnation about the trans community but I do know that Pope Francis has inferred that Trans people are the "devil" and are "deceivers." If the Pope would open a science book he would see that's a load of crap. Biden has yet to condemn those beliefs. 

I also want to remind cisgender female politicians (and I applaud their success) not to forget us trans woman. I want them to realize that trans woman were little girls too. We were just told to shut up and act like little boys when we knew damn well were weren't. Gen X'ers and Baby Boomers know what I'm talking about. We were told we were evil, crazy and spawns of Satan. However, if my parents knew then what we know now, my life could have ended up totally different. I never got the be the little girl I knew I was. My older brothers made sure of that by calling me a f*ggot or sissy, for running, walking and talking like a girl. One of my brothers who's my biggest supporter has since apologized and I stay with my next older brother Zach.

Looking back at the past year I forgot how much comedy got me through these types of situations. Humor got me through the fears of sleepless nights dealing with a
Bi-Polar mother and passive aggressive Father.  By brother Zach and sister Zoe remember being woken up in the middle of the night to sounds of my mom yelling at my dad. Stomping down the halls waking up the whole house and slamming doors. The rage and anger that came out of my mother has had a negative effect on me as an adult. I have to sleep with a fan on the block out noise because I still have e subconscious negative memories of that time.

Growing up I was afraid to go to the bathroom at night as I had a small bladder and I would sometimes wet the bed on accident. You see I was afraid of my mom seeing me going into the bathroom because if she did, I would be on the receiving end of a tongue lashing or worse.

When her door was open she could see me from her vanity mirror while she was laying in bed and watching TV. When her door was open, I had to crawl on all fours so that she wouldn't see me, otherwise she would go ballistic. Let's just say we were always on pins and needles. However, when she took her "mothers' little helper" we were safe. But when she would come down off that high we were all targets of her rage and anger. But on the surface, we appeared to be one of the most highly respected prominent Catholic families in Greensboro NC. Without comedy I would have gone crazy and ended up like her. I thought if I could make her laugh I could ease her pain. Sometimes if worked sometimes it didn't. 

My mom did have her good moments too. Like when she decided not to send me to an institution of what we used to call "Institutions for the feeble minded." Instead mom said decided against that and I attended Catholic school for eight painful years. She stood up for me and fought for me to make sure that I received the help I deserved as a Learning Disabled student with Dyslexia and Dysgraphia and ADHD. She knew that If I set my mind to it, I could achieve success. Mom was also influenced by LD pioneer Sally Smith and mom became the head of the Guilford County Learning Disability Awareness Association.

The so called educational experts said I would never make it through kindergarten, then Elementary School, Middle School and High School. I proved them all wrong and made it all the way to receiving my Bachelor's degree in Theater Arts (minor in Communication Arts). To top it all off, I became a member of the National Theater Honor Society Alpha Psi Omega; However, It came 15 years late, but it was a goal my mom would have been proud of. 

My point is that most people are not all bad. For all my mom's faults she more than made up for them in other ways. She wasn't the perfect parent but I loved her just the same. 
That's all I got for tonight. 

Síle